Unrealistic Expectations

Apparently the doctor was correct and I had/have a brutal case case of bronchitis that brought on a nice flare in my optic nerve. So a shot and some oral steroids later and I am feeling much better ( I sound like a man and can taste pennies in my mouth) . But the important thing is the optic flare just left me with a case of blurred vision and not total vision loss.

I spend most of the past 2 days refreshing my email waiting to see if my Evaluation appointment in Chicago has been scheduled yet. I received an email Wednesday saying that all was in order and they would be contacting me to schedule. I know better then to assume that I am the only person they have waiting, but I can’t help but obsess over the email. I replied, obviously, and said that I was available as soon as they can get me in… Seriously..l I will get there if they can get me in. Please get me in. Ugh!

I know the odds I have of getting accepted to the trial. I know the odds I have of getting stem cell replacement if I do get accepted. I know what to expect if this happens (thanks to my now Leukemia free best friend – really Jen, there were other ways to help a sister out). I know my optimism is unrealistic. I know this is unlike me and my expect the worst attitude… I KNOW. I just can’t help it. I want this. I want to be cured (sorry, in remission)! No matter how unrealistic that is, it’s realistic to me!


PS- just checked again, no email.

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